Forgiveness is Divine

I think it’s safe to say we’ve all heard that cheesy saying, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and realize the prisoner was you.” The first time this little meme popped up on my timeline I didn’t think too much of it. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how true it is. When you aren’t forgiving, you’re grudging (Yes I just made that word up). Which is not a healthy thing to do. If anyone can hold a grudge, it’s this girl. However, something I’ve learned in the past few years is that sometimes you have to just let it go. 

I know, you’re probably thinking, “This chick’s crazy. I can’t let that go. They hurt me.” Well, you don’t have to take my advice, but it’s dang good advice. (I can’t take all the credit; most of it came from general conference talks) So, here’s my advice: learn to accept an apology you may never get, and when someone does apologize, accept it, and mean it. 

One of the worst things in the whole entire world is when someone tells you that you’re forgiven, and they don’t mean it! You think everything is fine and dandy, then BOOM, you hear they’re still talking about how mad it made them. If you’re going to give someone forgiveness, truly give it to them. You need to forgive them with your whole heart, not just half of it. 

Think about it like this, what if our Savior, who paid the price for our sins so that we could be forgiven, didn’t forgive us? What if he gossiped about it, and held onto it until he thought we’d suffered a sufficient amount before finally forgiving us? That would be terrible, absolutely and undeniably terrible. That’s not how it works.

 Forgiveness is a process, it’s more than uttering the words, “I’m sorry.” It takes effort. When you want someone to forgive you, you need to show that person how truly sorry you are. You need to prove that you can change, and try your best not to hurt them like you did before. When they are able to see that you are truly repentant, it will be much easier for them to forgive you. 

Now, there is always that rare case where you’ve offended someone who is so immature and unable to look past it that they are angry forever. In that case, tell them they suck and move on with your life. Just kidding. In this case, as hard as it may be, you need to love them, and keep showing them you are sorry. If they still don’t forgive you, that’s their own problem, and you really will just have to move on with your life.  It happens. 

Here’s another thing to remember: most of the time people hurt us on accident. They didn’t do it on purpose; they didn’t do it because they’re evil. Honestly, 8/10 times, they did it because they love us. Sometimes when the people who love us try to help us, they end up hurting us. That’s a very important thing to remember when you are angry with someone. Try putting yourself in their situation. Try imagining what they were thinking and feeling and why they did what they did. I guarantee that you will be a lot more forgiving when you do that. 

Plus, let’s remember, you’re not so innocent yourself. How many times have you hurt someone’s feelings? Everybody does it. We’re all just a bunch of imperfect humans running around trying our best not to screw everything up. Which is humorous because usually by doing that we screw things up. But hey, that’s the beauty of earth life. We break things and then get the chance to fix them again. 

Sometimes, in the most unfortunate of cases, we are hurt so deeply we might think we’ll never be whole again. We curse the person who hurt us, and swear to everything that we will never forgive them because gosh dang it, what they did was despicable and they don’t deserve to be forgiven. Well, newsflash, that’s wrong. Trust me, I know what it’s like to feel that way. There are some messed up people in this world, and they do some pretty terrible things. They leave scars that may take years to heal. It’s not your place to punish them. We don’t have that right. Jesus Christ forgives everyone, and He loves everyone. There isn’t one soul that has ever lived that he doesn’t love. Remember all of the stories and parables in the Bible? When have you ever heard of Christ not forgiving someone? 

We need to find it in us to forgive and forget every terrible thing that someone has done to us. You’ll be happier, they’ll be happier, and your Savior will be so proud of you for taking one more step in the direction of becoming more like Him. That’s why we’re here, we came to this earth with the goal of returning back to our Father in Heaven and becoming as Christlike as possible while we’re on earth. We didn’t come to do anything else. That is the big picture. If you focus on that, you’ll find it easier each day to love, and serve, and find peace in doing those things. Nothing will bring you greater happiness and fulfillment than knowing you gave someone peace of mind. So please, take my advice and forgive people. It’s the least you could do.  Don’t let yourself be a prisoner in your own life. 

Check out this fabulous talk by President Uchtdorf:

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/the-merciful-obtain-mercy?lang=eng

Pride is Deadly

I love in all of our readings this week how they have talked about the importance of humbling yourself and being wiling to yield. When we become stubborn and unwilling to let anything or anyone influence us I think we miss a lot of great growing opportunities. These read ins have helped me to realize the importance of expressing your wants and needs but doing so in a way that isn't self righteous. It's important to be honest with each other and make sure your needs are being met, but it shouldn't be done in an entitled way. We should remember to keep ourselves humble and learn to serve the people we love. 9/10 times when we are loving and serving others it creates a loving environment that will then encourage others to do the same. I know this isn't always true, but I've found that as we are striving to love and serve others, they will typically do the same in return. It create an atmosphere of love and you want to do nice things for each other. 

A Map To Love

What is a love map? And why is it important? If you're in a relationship, who well do you know your partner? Do you know their hopes and dreams? Do they know yours? If the answer is no, you might consider working on your love maps. This means getting to know your partner at every level. Knowing all their deepest thoughts and fears. Knowing these things helps create intimacy and love in a relationship. You must do this first if you hope you have a healthy, happy relationship. 

Turning Towards

As I've been learning more about how to have  healthy relationship in my Marriage class, one of the things i"v enjoyed most is reading Gottman's book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Something that I've particularly loved learning about is learning how to turn towards one another. Gottman describes turning towards as "Stating your needs, being aware of bids for connection and responding to (turning towards) them. The small moments of everyday life are actually the building blocks of relationships."

This is something that I have personally found to be incredibly important in relationships. When you're unable to respond to bids for attention, you are missing opportunities to build trust and commitment within the relationship. When you learn how your partner bids for attention, you will be able to nurture your fondness and admiration and begin developing a healthy relationship. 

Traditions

In today's world marriage is increasingly becoming something of a joke. Same sex marriage has become a hot topic and has caused traditional marriage to become something of the past. Many people shy away from marriage, almost making it taboo.

We need to remember that marriage is a beautiful goal to have, one that we should all be striving and working towards. It is the glue that holds our society together. 

The New Trend

I feel like lately I have heard so many stories of people ending their marriage. Some were ones that had been together over 15 years, others, less than that. It's really scary as a twenty year old to see all these examples of failed marriages. It's enough to make me want to shy away from dating and the thought of marriage. I can't help thinking, if these people can't be successful, how the heck am I supposed to be? 

This past year someone I was really close to went through a divorce. I saw firsthand what she went through as she was going through the divorce. In her case, it was the only option left. They had been struggling for years, and in the end he wasn't willing to fix his end of the problems. It made me really sad to see her give her all to making their marriage work, but in the end, if both parties aren't willing to make the sacrifices needed, it won't work. It brought me a lot of comfort when Elder Oaks said, "Whatever the outcome and no matter how difficult your experiences, you have the promise that you will not be denied the blessings of eternal family relationships if you love the Lord, keep His commandments, and just do the best you can. When young Jacob “suffered afflictions and much sorrow” from the actions of other family members, Father Lehi assured him, “Thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain” (2 Nephi 2:1–2). Similarly, the Apostle Paul assured us that “all things work together for good to them that love God” (Romans 8:28)."  It's comforting to know that even though in this earth life people might not be getting the dream marriage, as long as they are righteous and doing their best to live the commandments they won't be denied nay blessings. I think it shows how loving our Heavenly Father is, and how badly He wants us to have every blessing possible. 

I also really like how he said to make sure you know who you're marrying. I've seen so many people suffer and have marriages end because of rushing into a marriage without fully knowing the other person and what they might struggle with. I think it's perfectly okay (and unavoidable) for people to have weaknesses and imperfections, we're al human, but some people struggle through things that affect not only them, but the person they're marrying. It's unfair to marry for someone to marry another person who is struggling with something severe but didn't make it known before. I think it should be a person's right to choose to help them through the  struggle instead of being forced to. 

This week's lesson taught me that even the risk is totally worth it. It's okay to be cautious, and even a little bit scared when it comes to relationships; I mean, they are a big deal after all. But no matter what happens, as long as you are living a righteous life and putting in your best effort, the Lord will take care of you.